I'm sorry guys, I know this isn't the kind of place to talk about his kind of thing but I had no where else to go. I have no one to talk to and I need to get this out.
In the last year I've been going through hell. I fell in love with my friends girlfriend. Actually it was his fiance. They were going through a lot of troubles at the time. In fact he was being a complete asshole. I began to hate him for what he was doing to her. She came to me often and she started telling me that she was falling for me. She began treating me in a way I have never experienced before. I couldn't help my feelings. But guess what? They're still together. They've been together the whole time despite all the heinous shit he's thrown her way she's still with him. Want to know something else? She has a child. A wonderful beautiful child. I began picturing myself as his father. I want so much to parent him. But I'll never get that chance.
It's been a long time. I almost lost all my friends in the process. Now I have to pretend like I don't feel anything if I want to be around her. She doesn't treat me the same way anymore. In fact, she doesn't even treat me like a friend. She's become indifferent. What can I do about that? They're going to get married and move away. I'll never see her or the child again.
Everytime I see my friends it's uncomfortable. I watch her be tender with him and it puts me through hell. They make a sexual inuendo and it tears me up inside. Tonight they actually exlicitly said that they're going to do it tonight. DID I NEED TO KNOW THAT?! They're pobably doing it right now. I can't stand to be in this situation.
Was she using me? Why do they behave as if they want to hurt me? The only thing I can do is not have friends anymore. I can't even talk to anyone about this. Who would I? Not my friends.
I don't know how to get out of this. I want to die.